The following excerpt is from Willowgreen Publishing’s book How Will I Get Through the Holidays? 12 Ideas for Those Whose Loved One Has Died by James E. Miller.

Accept the likelihood of your pain.

     When you're facing your first holiday without the one who has been so close to you, a good starting point is with this awareness: chances are it will be a painful time. You may wonder how you will ever make it through.
     This may or may not comfort you, but it is true: your pain is a sign you have been blessed to draw very close to another. You have loved and you have been loved. The hurt you feel is an indication of your wonderful humanness, your sensitivity, your openness. It is a proof that another has touched you deeply, even as you have touched them. While you may wish you did not hurt as much as you do, you dare not forget that your pain is none other than the result of your joy.
     Even so, you may feel you would like to bypass the entire holiday period and not participate in it at all. That's a common response. During the final two months of the calendar year, however, holiday reminders are visible almost everywhere you look and audible in almost everything you hear. It's impossible to avoid the impact of this season. The energy you would spend evading what is going on all around you will be more creatively spent adapting to the reality of what this particular season holds for you.
     Similarly, it is probably unwise to pretend everything is perfectly normal, and that this year's festivities will be no different than any other year's. The death of this important person in your life has created a conspicuous void. You may feel that, of course, any time of the year. But this is especially the case during the holidays. You expect to include those you love in your holiday celebrations—with the cards you write, the gifts you give, the meals you share, the rituals you re-enact. The one who has died, however, cannot be included, at least in the way you wish. And you're reminded of this time after time in the way families are portrayed on television, in the way loved ones are referred to in holiday songs, in the idealistic images everyone carries inside about these special times.
     Remember this: few holidays are as picture-perfect as we'd like to believe. It may help to admit that from the start.
     It is equally important not to decide in advance that the approaching holidays will necessarily be horrendous. While it may have its difficult moments, the approaching holiday time does not have to be an absolute catastrophe. More often than not, people report that the experience itself did not turn out to be as trying as they feared. Chances are good that can be your experience, too. Yes, you will probably feel pain. Yes, you may wish this year's calendar would skip over November and December. But, no, it does not have to be awful. There are things you can do to help.

     Jim Miller has many more suggestions about going through grief during the holidays in his book How Will I Get Through the Holidays? 12 Ideas for Those Whose Loved One Has Died. He has written several other books related to loss and grief, and he’s created various audiotapes and videotapes too.

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