The following excerpt is from Willowgreen Publishing’s book What Will Help Me? 12 Things to Remember When You Have Suffered a Loss by James E. Miller.

The best way to handle your feelings
is not to “handle” them but to feel them.

     People may be giving you less-than-helpful messages about dealing with this death you have experienced. Here is a sampling:
     “You’re handling your loss very well.” What many people mean by this feedback is that you’re not crying too much or acting too upset—you seem fairly normal. Maybe you’re being stoic. Whatever others say, that’s not necessarily the best way to grieve.
     “You must be strong now.” Often you’re expected to be strong for other people, usually those in your own family. Sometimes you’re told to be strong just for yourself, so you can deal with all you’re facing. Another translation may lie beneath these words: “Don’t look like you feel weak or unsure.”
     “Cheer up. You’ll be over this soon.” Another translation for “cheer up” is “cheer us.” Some people don’t know what to do when others are sad. They feel uncomfortable around them. They feel doubly uncomfortable when someone stays sad for a long time, which can easily happen during grief, as you well know. People may try to hurry you along with their feedback and their advice, as if to say “Let’s get this over with as quickly as we can.” They have themselves in mind more than you.
     If you’re given these sorts of messages, do yourself a favor: pay no attention to them. The best way for you to grieve is by being in touch with whatever emotions come your way. Your feelings may be many or few. They may be gentle or strong or anything in between. They’re likely to be unpredictable. But they’re not at all a sign that something is wrong with you. Indeed, your feelings are a sign that something is right with you. Someone you love has died and left you, and naturally that hurts. Your life has changed in ways you wish it hadn’t. So you grieve. That’s the way you eventually begin to feel more like yourself again, and more whole, however long that takes.
     You may feel sad, sadder than you thought possible. You may feel depressed, even despairing. You may feel afraid, even without understanding why. You may feel very lonely, even when you’re around other people, and sometimes especially when you’re around others. You may feel unusually tired, easily distracted, uncharacteristically anxious. You may get angry more easily—angry at others, at yourself, at God, maybe even at the one who died. Some people feel guilty, either for what they’ve said or done, or for what they’ve not said or not done.
     Another sensation you may have is this: almost no feeling at all. You may feel empty and numb. That’s a common reaction, especially at first. It’s a sign that your body and mind may be protecting you until you’re more ready to process what has happened.
     It takes courage to face all that you must face. It takes a huge amount of energy, and at a time when your reserves are lower than normal. It takes strength and determination to keep doing what is yours to do these days—to feel whatever it is you happen to feel. You have a simple choice. You can experience your feelings in your own way as they come to you, or you can put them off until another time. But you do not have the choice of putting them off forever. Somewhere, somehow, sometime, your feelings will demand your attention. By then they may have grown even stronger and gone even deeper.
     Remember: the best way out is always through. The best way beyond your feelings is not by going around them but by going with them.

     Jim Miller has many more suggestions about going through a time of grief in his innovative double book What Will Help Me: 12 Things to Remember When You Have Suffered a Loss. The other half of the book is entitled How Can I Help? and it's designed for those who want to help someone through their grief.

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